"This song was recorded in a single take.  The studio engineer, John, felt the track was very powerful. He suggested leaving it as it was, without re-recording the portions where my pitch lost control to my heavy emotions.  My husband agreed.  So here it is. It's raw, unencumbered and unchanged from the first cut.

I wrote this song after talking with the priest at our parish, "Father V. "

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He knew my sister and I were so close, we often joked that we were twins, born 6 years apart. And it truly felt like that.  We were twins of the heart and soul.

Learning to live without her has been a painstaking process I would have never been able to navigate without faith.

I knew I had a choice in the face of the worst pain I had ever known. Because free will is a gift we all possess and we can use it as we choose in the face of joy, or adversity, happiness or sorrow. 

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How I respond to the troubled waters of life will shape me more significantly than anything. Because navigating calm seas requires little effort.  

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So I talked with Father V about my pain and my response to it. He encouraged me to use the pain to grow in my faith, and to know that the Lord understands great pain. 

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He encouraged me to "Go out in the back 40 and scream if you have to."

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I have screamed a lot since losing Neen. Every tear, every time I "re-remember" what happened, every time I miss her, my soul screams out in sadness. It also screams out for continued hope, faith and comfort.

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I sing about "Falling and letting the pain flow from me..."

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This means I go to my knees. I pray for her soul.  I pray for my ability to keep soldiering on without her. I can use my pain to help someone else. When we allow God to help us do that, no heartache is wasted. 

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My choice is to live by my faith, to not hurt anyone I love and to carry on my beautiful sister's legacy of love, compassion and caring.

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I refuse to go crazy. So, I guess I'll do my best to make her proud."

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Linda Steber

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